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Home Latest News Latest Humor: Senior discounts

Humor: Senior discounts

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 This was sent in by June from Canada - very funny. Roberto

     “$5.37"

 

That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me.  I  
dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and a  
pocket-knife .  Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I  
started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the  
kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever  
said to me.  He said, "It's OK.  I'll just give you the senior  
citizen discount."


I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of  
change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said  
cheerfully.  I stood there stupefied.  I am 58, not even 60 yet,     
a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was  
wrong with Elmo? Was he blind?  As I sat in the truck, my blood  
began to boil. Old?  Me?

I'll show him, I thought.  I opened the door and headed back  
inside.  I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a  
smile.  Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled  
it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am  
I now?  A toddler?

"Dude!  Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with  
utter disdain at the keys.  I began to rationalize in my mind.   
"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!  It could happen  
to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck.  I slipped the key into the  
ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now?  I checked my keys and  
tried another. Still nothing.  That's when I noticed the purple  
beads hanging from my rearview mirror.  I had no purple beads  
hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus.  The car seat in the  
back seat; Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.  A  
partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien  
vehicle.  Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot,  
relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.   
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach:  hunger!   
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,  
only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into  
the restaurant one final time.  There Elmo stood, draped in youth  
and black nail polish.  All I could think was, "What is the world  
coming to?"  All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in  
here?"  At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me  
back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social  
Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue.  I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a  
young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.  He  
was holding up a drink and a bag.  His mother explained, "I think  
you left this in my truck by mistake."  I took the food and drink  
from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.  She offered these  
kind words:  "It's OK.  My grandfather does stuff like this all the  
time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40.   
Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.  And no, I told  
the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the  
hall.  I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.   
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a  
blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 11 August 2010 14:06  

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